don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
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