I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
