I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
