Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
