Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
