I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
you didnt know i had herpes?
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
