I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
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is wine microwaveable?
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
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Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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