so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Randomize
