Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
