Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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