Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
