More tranny stories later!
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
