Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
