Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
