I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize