I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
