I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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