I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I think a kid would responsible me up
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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