i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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