He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
