I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
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