shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Randomize
