Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
