1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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