I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
