guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
you would pick up someone in the library
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
