guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
