She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
