I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
