theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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