you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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