mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I looked at my own cervix.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
