when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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