what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
