Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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