dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
