Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
