I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
