He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
