why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
