New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
