oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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