forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
