I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
