I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize