in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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