Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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