I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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