may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Randomize
