When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
