Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
