I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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