I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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