I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
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