was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Randomize
