Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Randomize
