I can tuck mytits in my pants
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Randomize
