You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
