White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
