I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
