I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Randomize
