4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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