I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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