I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
