And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
