i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
