that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
