Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Randomize
