if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
