she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
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