I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
