Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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